Like It’s Hard

I forget where I saw the clip of a regressive talking head befuddled about what’s so hard about pregnancy.

Symptoms can include but are not limited to:

• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Indigestion
• Heartburn (yes, all of those are different)
• Constipation
• Diarrhea
• Urinary incontinence
• Bowel incontinence
• Food allergies
• Food intolerances
• Absence of prior food allergies or intolerances
• Headaches
• Migraines
• Congestion
• Muscle cramps
• Insomnia
• Sprains
• Swelling
• Hernia
• Joint dysfunction
• Sciatica
• Broken tailbone
• Anemia
• Larger ring size
• Larger shoe size
• Gestational diabetes
• Permanent diabetes
• Sleep disorders
• Fatigue
• Trouble breathing
• Irritability
• Broken ribs
• Nutrient deficiencies
• Heightened sense of smell
• Heightened hearing
• Sensitive skin
• Back pain (mild, moderate, or severe)
• Pelvic pain (mild, moderate, or severe)
• Lightning crotch
• Increased libido
• Decreased libido
• Acne
• Bleeding gums
• Nosebleeds
• Blurred vision
• Hypertension
• Nerve damage
• Carpal tunnel

All of these symptoms can stick around for 2 years or more after giving birth. Some can stick around forever. This list is in no way comprehensive but just what I remember from my pregnancy and what I’ve heard from others.

I’m still dealing with chronic pain and resulting sleep problems. I gave birth in December and she’s sleeping better than I am. Let’s make draconian anti-choice laws the subject of dystopian fiction again.

37

I am now 37 so I thought I’d share 37 fun facts about me. ‘Meet the blogger,’ if you will

1. Before becoming a SAHM, I was a dog walker/pet sitter for 4 years.
2. I was born and bred in Maryland.
3. Like any good Maryland girl, Old Bay is life.
4. One of my favorite places I’ve ever visited was Alaska.
5. My favorite colors are purple, teal, and turquoise.
6. I met my husband at a Doctor Who happy hour.
7. I’m currently growing out my hair to donate before it gets too gray. I don’t color or heat style it so I’m an ideal candidate.
8. My favorite musical is Six.
9. My wedding was Halloween themed, costumes highly encouraged.
10. Firefly, Warehouse 13, and The Good Place are some of my favorite shows.
11. My chihuahua is a Puerto Rican rescue so I had to learn some Spanish for her.
12. I’ve never been drunk.
13. I don’t have any tattoos but there’s a few I want.
14. My favorite font is Book Antiqua.
15. I like bagpipe music.
16. My religious philosophy is best summed up by Shakespeare: “There are more things in heaven and earth than dreamt of in our philosophy.”
17. Some of my favorite smells are corn chip dog paws, the ocean, new book, and baby head. Parents will tell you baby head smell is a thing.
18. I drove Uber for a couple of months. My favorite passenger was a pug.
19. I went to a Catholic high school. The Boston priest scandal broke while I was learning church history.
20. Graphic tees are basically a love language in my little family.
21. The bands I’ve seen in concert multiple times are Anberlin, Elton John, Backstreet Boys, and Within Temptation.
22. I love Mexican-ish food (Tex Mex, Latin American).
23. I had A LOT of elderly relatives die when I was very young. Funeral homes smell like fresh cut flowers and the elderly. To this day, the smell of flowers reminds me of funerals.
24. I’ve only played D&D a few times but I enjoyed it. I would love to play more.
25. My favorite animals are sharks and dogs.
26. When the Olympics are happening, it’s default TV in our house.
27. I briefly worked in publishing. Sales and marketing was NOT my calling.
28. Some of my favorite movies are Clue, Jurassic Park, Hocus Pocus, Barbie, and Legally Blonde.
29. My guilty pleasure show is The Bachelor franchise. I’m salty we can’t get the international shows in the U.S. since many U.S. contestants go on various international iterations.
30. One of my favorite sounds is a howling wind, like in a creepy movie.
31. Despite my love of autumn and Halloween, I don’t like pumpkin spice or pumpkin.
32. I discovered laundry stripping during the pandemic. I use it to get rid of perfumed fabric softener smells when I thrift clothes.
33. I used to make chain maille jewelry. I occasionally dabble in it now but it’s a lot of little pieces to have around chaotic little humans.
34. I love opals, rainbow moonstones, and tanzanite.
35. I’ve studied Spanish and German. Both are excellent languages to be mad in.
36. I’m immune to some major prescription painkillers. I’ve endured laparoscopic surgery and childbirth with only prescription strength versions of OTC painkillers for recovery.
37. One of my favorite quotes is from Robert Frost: “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

A Baby for Christmas and Postpartum Perdition

I had my baby girl on 12/22. I made an impression on multiple medical professionals. Again. Get snacks and a drink. It’s a long story.

I was scheduled to be induced since they suspected my girl would be 8.5-9 pounds. I’d also needed physical therapy to get through the pregnancy. Lots of people had a good March because L&D was hopping. I had to wait for rooms to be ready and had someone who was ahead of me in the triage order.

Induction starts with pills you have to cheek and basic IV drips. I had several monitors strapped to me. Baby girl was notorious for kicking anything that invaded her space in utero. She did this to at least 3 L&D nurses while they tried to place different monitors.

The doctor who delivered my son was on call when I came in. She remembered me 4 years later. Apparently, a vacuum assisted, unmedicated delivery straight out of triage during a shift change is a rarity.

I got spoiled with my son’s speedy labor and departure. My daughter took long enough that I got bored. I got a balloon and became my own party favor. If you don’t know what that means, great! Remain ignorant. That plus pitocin ramped up my discomfort. Hubs knew when I was contracting because I’d get still and quiet.

Eventually, they get the crochet hook of doom to break my water. That tends to speed up the uterine evacuation. I was fully dilated when it broke the first time so this labor was very educational.

Had I known how quickly my labor would progress after this, I would not have gotten an epidural. The unforeseen consequences were NOT worth it. It also did very little for my pain when push came to push. Unfortunately, I’m not psychic. My labor could have been 2 more hours or 12. I opt for the pain meds since baby girl was taking her sweet time prior to this.

I get my epidural and I’m doing a great job of staying still. Nothing like waves of pain to keep you still. I’ve got the needle in my spine, holding on to the L&D nurse, when it feels like all the nerves in my head catch FIRE! My pain was a 9/10 only because I could say it was 9/10. I was clearly distracted but Hubs heard the anesthesiologist say something to the effective of “That doesn’t usually happen.”

It’s over and that headache never totally goes away. I get 20-30 minutes of diminished pain before baby girl is over our nonsense. She was fighting the eviction but finally decided to take the hint and leave.

Hubs tries to boost the epidural doses but I felt EVERYTHING. Again. The worst pain was right before baby girl hit the birth canal. Once she was on her way out, it was more bearable. They get her out, plop her on my chest, and my first words after a day of labor was “OMG, finally.”

We bond, I’m sitting at an incline, all is well. Later, in the moment and baby ward, I get up to pee and my head starts pounding. I go back to my reclined position, get a visit from anesthesiology and they don’t think my symptoms sound like a spinal headache. My symptoms were pretty mild and could possibly have been something else. Sinuses, hormones, etc.

The next morning at dark o’clock, I hit the bathroom, get the pounding and tinnitus. I flop back in bed thinking it will go away after I sleep. It did not. I report my symptoms to the OB and she thinks it’s probably my (chronically problematic) sinuses. Baby girl and I doze off waiting for discharge paperwork. I wake up and my neck hurts. Weird but I’m over 35 and sleeping in a hospital bed at a funny angle.

Some of you in the know may suspect what went wrong.

The car ride home was *rough*. I was dizzy, nauseous, and in one of this ‘sick sweats.’ I flop out on a chair in our building lobby while Hubs feeds our fussy baby. We’re a mess but IDGAF. We get upstairs and I collapse in bed. A hour later, I felt so much better. I get up, better got gone, the pounding resumes, and the ringing in my ears upgraded to roaring.

Every time I tried to sit up or stand over the next few days, my head starts pounding, my neck hurts, my back hurts, my ringing ears start roaring. I could only lay on the couch for a couple of hours before it hurt too much. I couldn’t change diapers. I could barely prop myself up enough to feed my baby. Hubs was amazing since he had to take care of both of us. Baby girl still knew her mama. If Hubs brought her to me in bed, she’d be out for 2-3 hours.

I looked up the symptoms for a CSF leak. I had half of them. I was gradually getting better but I needed to get better much faster if I wanted my oldest back home. Basically, my epidural went wrong and caused me to leak spinal fluid. It’s why I was OK lying in bed and nowhere else.

I talk to the OB on call and she agreed my symptoms sounded like a CSF leak. We bundle up baby girl and head to the ER. Hubs went in to get a wheelchair for me since I couldn’t walk. After the drive, I was barely lucid.

Baby girl never left the car. I refused to have her in the ER. I’m barely holding it together while I’m evaluated, begging to lay down. Pounding headache, nausea, dizziness, sick sweats, ringing ears. I almost fainted.

Unable to walk on my own, recently had a baby, spinal leak? Triage ‘win.’ I got a bed in under 10 minutes. I launch myself out of the wheelchair and into the bed. Amazing what lying down can do for you.

The admission lady comes in and I just lose it. I missed Christmas with my son, I can’t care for my baby, and I’m in the ER alone on 12/26. The saddest part? Still not my worst Christmas ever. As soon as I said I didn’t have a mom, the admission lady was my mom for a minute. It truly helped.

I get seen and evaluated pretty quickly by the nurse and ER doctor. The on-call anesthesiologist comes in to get started. It’s the same doctor from my delivery!

I lose it again and start crying while he explains the procedure. Doc tries to be understanding and then I explain all of the things going in to these tears. Once I said ‘still not my worst Christmas,’ he felt BAD. ‘As he should’ has been the collective sentiment.

The procedure I got is called a blood patch. Basically, it’s another epidural but they inject my own blood to clot/scab over the leak in my spinal fluid. I was right that it would have healed on its own…after 2 weeks. This procedure was necessary to get my body and my life back.

They prep me and once the needle goes in, I start sweating and shaking. I can feel the pressure but they need to get the blood during the procedure. I was dehydrated so this proved difficult. At one point, they had to let the vein refill to keep going without sticking me a third time.

The whole time, I’m keeping as still as humanly possible. 1 in 30,000 get nerve damage and the odds were not in my favor once already. They finally get enough blood and I get to lay back for 2 hours to ensure proper clotting.

I got stiffness and pressure in my hips which is normal. The doctor propped my legs up with pillows and got me some water with a straw. I appreciated the TLC. The ER was not slow so even though the procedure was successful, it took a while to get me discharged.

I felt so much better, one of the first things I did was wash and sterilize bottles. I was so happy to finally be able to do things to take care of my baby. I was stiff and achey but functional. I’m still stiff and sore but only dome of it is from the postpartum perdition. Healing from pregnancy is also pretty tough too.

Looking back on the speed of my ER admission, the anesthesiologist giving me his unit’s phone number and extra TLC, and the ER doctor calling me to see how I was doing, made me wonder. Either I had the most epic sob story of the holidays or the grounds for a malpractice suit. Maybe both.

I could use more sleep but I’ve got both my kids and mostly have my body back. That’s all I wanted. I’m more than happy to close that chapter and move on.

Dressing Down

I was scrolling IG when I saw this post by Courtney Carver. She is a semi-famous minimalist who came up with the project 333 Challenge: having only 33 items of clothing for 3 months. There was some wiggle room for occasion wear (gym, formal wear, skiing, etc.) but your key wardrobe was meant to be simple.

Having dabbled (unsuccessfully) in minimalism, I like the idea of a capsule wardrobe. Now that I’m 34 weeks pregnant, I like it less. The idea is that your 33 pieces are things you love and have even had tailored to your body. Not an option for me.

Plus size maternity clothing options are comically limited. They’re often crap quality, crap material, and/or cost prohibitive. Since you wear them for such a short season of life, it’s hard to justify splurging. This leaves me with very few pieces I actually like and many more I’m just stuck with wearing.

I’ve become very beholden to laundry. I have to stay on top of washing and putting away my laundry just so I can get dressed in clothes I don’t hate.

This all ties back into Carver’s Instagram post from today. Her 3 big tips were to get rid of clothes that don’t suit your lifestyle, clothes that make you sad, and clothes that don’t fit your body right now. The first two I can get behind but not the third.

If you’re in a transitional season of life, there’s no good reason to get rid of clothes you love. Declutter? Absolutely but not wholly eliminate. My rule is to get 1 to 2 medium storage bins for clothes that don’t fit me right now so I don’t have to start a wardrobe from scratch.

My body probably won’t find an equilibrium until next summer. I had my son in 2020 and so much was in flux in my life that I didn’t hit a physical equilibrium for a couple of years. Before my daughter decided to exist, I had finally found a uniform I was comfortable in and happy with. I like know that is available for me to come back to once my body is mine again.

I could definitely stand to dabble in minimalism again. I’m already fantasizing about shipping off my maternity clothes to textile recycling next year.

Bookish Gift Ideas

You know your loved one loves books but buying them a book can be a dicey prospect. My spouse learned this a while ago when he thought he found me a book I’d never heard of and I’d already read it.

Out of Print – Shirts, socks, totes and more all themed around classic and popular books.

Litographs – Shirts, blankets, and prints that look like art but the art is the entire book the art represents.

The Ultimate Book Challenge – It has a fun set of challenges and little bookish prizes inside each envelope for each challenge completed. This IG post gives you an idea of what’s inside.

Probably Smut – Shirts and stickers for people who love romance.

The Bookish Shop – Book boxes, shirts, candles, and limited edition books. If you know they loved a certain book, a special edition is usually a good bet.

Bookish Puzzles – Indie bookstores usually have some fun ones in stock.

Audiobook credits – Audiobooks and puzzles are good bedfellows. I’ve linked Libro.fm since they support independent bookstores.

12 Days of Christmas bookish advent calendar – Go to Good Will, a library book store, and/or the Dollar Store. You can put together 12 books pretty cheaply. Even if they’ve read it, you’re bound to get something right and the thought will definitely count. (I’ve seen multiple books at the Dollar Store with Target or Barnes & Noble stickers on them.)

Cain’s Jawbone – This was popular on TikTok. The pages are in a random order and you get to put them in order.

Hey Atlas Creative – Bookmarks, stickers, book sleeves and several other artful items.

Fancy bookmarks from Etsy like wooden ones or fabric ones or metal ones. Funny bookmarks are also a fun choice.

Book Biffle has several different items like book weights, totes, and book sleeves.

Burnt Edge Studio has some fantastic keychains and bookmarks but I’m not sure what exactly is going on with their store. If you love Grace’s stuff, a polite DM can’t hurt.

Humdrum Paper has some funky bookmarks and notepads.

Flickerwix has bookish candles and other gifts. Frostbeard is another bookish candle company.

Fancy loose leaf tea called Bookish. Novelteas has a whole section devoted to bookish teas. This Etsy shop has several bookish teas.

Bath bombs or bath salts if your bookish loved one likes to read in the tub. It will pair nicely with a bookish candle and a face mask.

There’s a lot of options for bookish jewelry like this and this and that and this. There’s other accessories available too.

A collection of fun prompts for picking your next read.

This Etsy seller does various blind date with a book boxes. I plugged in ‘book box’ into Etsy and got a lot of results. Ask your bookish loved one what is on their TBR that’s a backlist book then ask one of the many sellers to curate a box. Or put one together using all the resources I just gave you.

Plus Size Clothing Retailers

I asked a mom group on the socials where the fellow plus size moms get their clothes. I was hoping to discover retailers I hadn’t heard of. Not really.

Despite more than 20 responses, I only heard about 2 or 3 stores I’d never heard of. I knew more than a lot of the people offering suggestions.

I decided to make the content I wish existed. Some of these I’ve tried but most I haven’t. I added commentary where I could.

11 Honorè – Expensive AF designer stuff but it exists.

Ambrie – I haven’t tried them personally but my big takeaway was polyester clothing for Disney adults. I got subtle Lula Roe vibes.

Ashley Stewart – Affordable but a lot of polyester. I get some fast fashion vibes.

ASOS – I’ve heard mixed things about them being another fast fashion bad guy or just an average clothing retailer. I’ve never shopped there but options exist.

Athleta – Pricey but quality athletic wear and athleisure. They even start carrying their plus size items in the store. Same parent company as Old Navy so I’m not sure if the nice things in the ‘about us’ section are true or just spin.

Avenue – Affordable and not too polyester heavy as far as I can tell.

Barbells and Pizza – An activewear brand with limited but cute selection.

Barefoot Dreams (QVC) – Absurdly soft and absurdly expensive. I usually get their stuff secondhand or on sale. They have more plus size options on QVC than their actual website,

Bass Pro Shop – Casual and outdoorsy. Prices vary. Extended sizes are mostly online.

Beta Brand – I’ve heard a lot of hype but haven’t tried their famous business yoga pants.

Bewildher – A sustainable, size inclusive Canadian brand of activewear. Expensive but gorgeous pieces.

Blue Platypus – Indie brand with cute retro inspired pieces.

Cakeworthy – Cute fandom pieces but it’s a little pricey, isn’t true to size, and the return policy is ‘sucks to be you.’ They also don’t seem to realize plaid is a print and flannel is a fabric. I ordered a ‘flannel’ and it was cotton twill. Order through Unique Vintage if you must.

Chico’s – It exists but sizes are a little limited.

Cider – I haven’t tried it but it’s made in China and runs small.

City Chic – It exists.

Coedition – It’s an off shoot of City Chic.

Day Won – An activewear brand I haven’t tried.

Dia & Co – A little expensive but looks fine.

Dressbarn – It exists.

Eddie Bauer – Outdoorsy. Plus size options are limited and only online.

Eloquii – It exists.

Encircled – Sustainable and priced accordingly. While plus size options exist, they’re very limited.

eShakti – My favorite thing about this brand is that you can customize what you order. Good quality and they regularly have sales.

Fabletics – I’m not a fan of paywalling clothing but the quality was good. It was worth the discounted member prices if you want to play their games.

Fat Girl Flow – Currently just tees that are loud and proud about fatness.

Free Country – Outdoorsy with limited options.

Galaxy Fox Clothing – It exists.

Girlfriend Collective – Athletic wear that has plus sizes and maternity plus sizes. I tried a few pieces that didn’t quite work for m

Good American – Expensive and they have their own sizing convention. I haven’t tried it.

Grrrl Clothing – An activewear brand I haven’t tried.

Hereafter – An activewear brand I haven’t tried.

HerUniverse – Mostly fandom pieces. Works closely with Hot Topic these days but occasionally has items HT sells out of

HolyClothing – Renaissance and hippie style clothing.

Hot Topic – Torrid’s goth little sister. Some of the plus sizes have more of a youth cut but you can get some fun fandom pieces.

JC Penny’s – I’m not sure how many are left in malls but they exist online. Good midrange prices.

Katie K Active – An activewear brand I haven’t tried.

Kin by Kristine – A small indie designer but the prices won’t break the bank

Kohl’s – Good selection at a variety of affordable price points. Downside is the never ending emails.

Lane Bryant – Decent assortment of trendy, basics, sleep, intimates, and active. A little expensive for the quality but there’s always a sale soon enough.

LL Bean – Casual and outdoorsy. Selection is nonexistent in stores but passable online.

Lola Getts– An activewear brand I haven’t tried.

Lord & Taylor – Prices are moderate to expensive but not as insane as you’d think.

Loud Bodies – A little to a lot expensive but a lot of sizes.

Luca and Grae – The curvy collection from influencer Aspyn Ovard. Haven’t tried it but the prices aren’t terrible.

Lula Roe – Poor quality, cheap fabrics, and there are multiple documentaries about this MLM. It has ruined lives. Don’t do it.

Macy’s – I’m a big fan of their Ideology yoga pants. The prices vary but I’ve been happy with my active wear finds.

Madewell – Good brand and I’ve found a couple of good pieces. A little pricey but the sales are good..

Maurice’s – It exists.

MeUndies – Quality, comfortable loungewear that is worth the price. The downside is that a typical 3X is the largest they go

ModCloth – A diverse set of their brand and fun boutique items. Not a lot of basics and some of the fun pieces are only in standard sizes.

Modern Magnolia – A boutique in Georgia with an online presence.

Nordstrom – Some options are more affordable than others but it’s worth a look.

Nordstrom Rack – If Nordstrom’s sale section had a store. Worth going in person since you never know what you’ll get.

Old Navy – Cute and affordable clothes for the whole family. Just ignore the company’s history of abusing their factory workers and you’ll be all set.

Out of Print – Mostly graphic tees with limited plus size options but they’re all bookish which is fun.

Outdoor Research – Outdoor and activewear in some extended sizes

Peach Plus Active – An active wear brand I haven’t tried.

Pinkblush – Plus size regular clothing and maternity clothing. It’s a little pricey for what it is but there’s not a lot of options when you’re both fat and pregnant.

Princess Awesome – Limited selection of adult clothes but the pieces they have a nerdy and/or fun. You can also match your kid which is cute.

Printfresh – Robes and PJs. Not my preferred style so I can’t comment beyond plus size options existing.

RBX Active – An active wear brand I haven’t tried.

Rebdolls – Lots of bold colors, cuts, and prints. A few basics but mostly going out wear.

Smash + Tess – It exists.

Snag Tights – I was between sizes in the worst way when I tried them. They’re not for me but there are some fun offerings in a big size range.

Snoozy Sunday – Formerly Wear Ori. I have some of their tunics and I’m quite happy with them.

SVAHA – STEAM clothing and accessories for the whole family from an independent and woman owned business.

Summersalt – sizing is a little limited but it exists

Superfit Hero – Plus size active wear I haven’t tried.

Talbots – Expensive but exists.

Tamara Malas – Expensive but a small, indie designer.

Target – Their stuff can be hit or miss but I recently had a winner with their bootcut active pants. Their in store selection is terrible but online is pretty good.

TomboyX – An indie underwear and loungewear brand. They cater to the LBGT+ community and have some fun pieces. Like many indie brands, they’re a little pricey but worth it.

Torrid – Good mix of classic basics, trends, fandoms, and essentials. Their sizing is as expansive as ever.

Unique Vintage – Retro inspired pieces with basics and fun, bold options.

Universal Standard – Quality basics with a few funky pieces thrown in. Expensive AF but worth watching for sales.

Walmart – They exist and feel as cheap as you’d expect.

Warp + Weft – Size inclusive denim. A little expensive.

Waterlust – Sizing isn’t too expansive but the pieces are quite fun.

Wild Fang – Indie brand, interesting pieces, good corporate values. I tried one of their shirts. The fit didn’t work for me but it was a nice piece.W

Wray – Expensive but pretty with a wide range of sizes.

Zuri – It exists.

Fashion Nova, Zara, H&M, Forever 21 – Cheap fabrics, cheap prices, poor quality. They’re what people are talking about when they say fast fashion. Don’t do it.

Shein – Affordable prices, garbage quality, notorious for ripping off small designers, unsafe factory conditions. They’re terrible. They make the other fast fashion brands look good. Don’t do it.

A trick I use is to figure your out size in a more expensive brand than thrift on Poshmark or ThredUp. The plus size selection on ThredUp is consistently abysmal but Poshmark consistently delivers.

Another trick is to use Rakuten and shop sales. Universal Standard makes quality pieces and has a few sales throughout the year.

35 Random Facts about Me

I’m turning 35 today so here’s 35 random facts about me.

1) I like to cut my corn off the cob

2) I’m originally from Maryland so Old Bay is life.

3) I basically named my son. I told my husband “I think this would be a cool middle name.” He agreed. “I really like this boys name.” He agreed. He doesn’t like my other favorites so if we have another boy, he’s getting more say.

4) Fall is my favorite season. Climate change is slowly killing it so write your Congress people to try and get it back.

5) I’m allergic to wool and acrylic sweaters are almost as itchy. Fleece is my friend.

6) Book Antiqua is my favorite font.

7) My favorite wild animals are sharks and wolves.

8) The Science Channel is our default cable channel.

9) I love Steven Rhodes designs. I think he’s hilarious.

10) A friend bought me a Fear Street book when I was 12. I read all of that series available at 2 library branches.

11) Warehouse 13, The Good Place, and Firefly are my favorite TV shows.

12) Golden delicious is my favorite kind of apple.

13) My husband and I met at a Doctor Who Happy Hour.

15) Since working with dogs in 2018, I’ve developed a big soft spot for chihuahuas. They’re a very underrated breed.

16) I love diners and little hole in the wall restaurants.

17) During my brief stint in publishing, we got new books in. At least 4 of us (including me) gathered around to enjoy the new book smell.

18) My favorite gemstones are fire opal, rainbow moonstone, and tanzanite.

19) I don’t eat pork. Partly because I don’t like it and partly because pigs are emotional and intelligent creatures.

20) I took Spanish in high school and German in college.

21) I wear a lot of black because you can’t really stain black.

22) I love milkshakes.

23) I’m left handed.

24) I’ve never been drunk.

25) When my toddler is acting his age/being difficult, I started play metal to calm my own nerves. He’s now into Sabaton.

26) Mac n cheese is my comfort food.

27) I don’t have any tattoos but there’s quite a few I want.

28) I’ve seen Elton John, Anberlin, Backstreet Boys, and Within Temptation in concert twice.

29) I can handle cold temperatures pretty well but will get overheated pretty easily.

30) I had an unmedicated childbirth. Not necessarily by choice. I was just too far along for the pain meds to kick in before my son was out.

31) I love memoirs of people thru-hiking and having adventures in nature.

32) I only like broccoli and spinach raw. Cooking it changes the flavor too much.

33) Alaska is one of my favorite places I’ve ever been.

34) My favorite color is purple. Teal and turquoise tie for second.

35) My favorite sound is howling wind.

Prompt: What is a life lesson you feel everyone can learn from?

Inspired by Books of Brilliance

You can’t please everyone. Trying will displease everyone.

I’ve known people who were sensitive and tried very hard not to upset anyone. In doing so, they upset everyone. You’re more likely to be remembered as a nice person if you face the problem honestly and kindly.

Chose wisely whose opinion you value

You’re going to meet a lot of people. Some of them will matter more to your life than others. The obvious ‘opinion that doesn’t matter’ is the shallow popular kids in high school but there’s the toxic friends in your 20s, selfish romantic partners, and a lot of other people who aren’t the best for you.

You can’t change how someone acts; only how you react

You can’t make your flakey friend more reliable. You can’t make your selfish partner better. You can’t make your disapproving parent accept you. The only control is how you react to their behavior.

You decide how you get treated

If someone is not treating you well, you get to walk away. Boss, parent, partner. It doesn’t matter. If you’ve communicated your needs and things don’t improve, you’re allowed to limit or cut contact.

Family is about how you’re treated and valued, not an accident of blood

If you’d expect a stranger off the street to show you more kindness and respect than blood relatives, they ain’t family.

I’ve gotten quite a few judgmental comments for cutting off my mother. ‘You only get one mom.’ ‘What kind of person cuts off their own mother?’

What kind of person leaves their only child no other choice? That response usually shuts them up faster than actual examples of her horribleness.

Get financially literate

In addition to scarring me for life, my mother taught me nothing about money and instilled some bad habits. The younger you get your finances handled, the better off you’ll be.

I learned all of these lessons the hard way over a long period of time. Save yourself some trouble and learn from me. Maybe you’ve been blessed with only good people in your life but eventually, someone who isn’t will show up. Use my wisdom accordingly.

No Buy

My no buy was kind of a bust.

I found out I’d be losing my job mid February so I put in offers on 3 shirts on Poshmark. All of them were accepted. Don’t shop when you’re sad kids.

The no music rule was mildly frustrating. iTunes makes it impossible to add just a song to your wishlist from the mobile store. Surface Pressure in Encanto resonated very deeply with me and I wanted to rock out.

From there, I tried to find more kid music I liked and would be fun for the toddler. Do you know how hard it is to find enjoyable children’s music as an adult? When Parry Gripp had a whole album of silly songs I didn’t hate, I was on it.

I need to be very careful with my spending but I also don’t see much point in denying myself for an arbitrary reason. For example, there’s a sweatshirt I was eyeing from Athleta that was on final sale clearance. I have it in a print that I’ve been wearing a lot this winter. I’ve seen the color in person and liked it.

There was an extra 20% that was only for a few days. The only reason I wouldn’t buy it was because I told myself to wait until February. I ordered it, the extra 20% paid for shipping, and I don’t regret it. This purchase was more carefully thought out than a lot of previous purchases. I think that’s more of the point. ‘This item I want is as cheap as it’s going to get. Now is a good time to buy it.’

I’ve got my eye on a few other items but I know clothing is one of my worst weaknesses. I want to do a more thorough inventory of all of my clothes next month. What gaps do I have? What do I have too much of? What can I part with and sell?

The rest of my clothing purchases this year will need to be more carefully curated. This is why Pinterest is a thing. I can keep track of what I like and periodically check for sales.

For music, I need to stick to YouTube rather than immediately buying albums. If I listen to it a lot on there, then it would be worth purchasing. I was hoping to use Spotify but I’m with Neil Young on this one.

New Year No Buy

I have too much stuff. One of the big things my husband and I want to do in the new year is declutter and get more control over our condo. The last thing I need to do is add to the chaos.

For the month of January, I’m not allowed to buy the following.

No makeup

In the last 6 months, I can count the number of times I’ve worn makeup on one hand. With caution around the latest COVID variant, I have even less of a reason. There’s lots of fun cosmetics out there (ya girl loves color shift) and I don’t need any of them.

No lotion

I have multiple lotions to work through before I order any more

No soap or body wash

I’m friendly with a soap maker. I currently have a backlog of fun soap to enjoy. If you know of any affordable and cruelty body wash, I might consider it to mix it up later in the year.

No shoes

I have winter boots and sneakers that will serve my purposes well. I cannot fathom a reason to buy shoes before February.

No audiobooks

I have a backlog of great options and access to multiple libraries.

No ebooks

I have a backlog of great options and access to multiple libraries.

No physical books

I’ve barely read physical books for 2 years. My spawn is not getting less grabby or demanding. I can skip this for a month or three.

No music

I have large and various collection of music. Unless Taylor drops another surprise album, I’m not spending money on it this month.

No jewelry

I wear the same stud earrings 95% of the time so my piercings don’t close. I rarely wear necklaces or scarves because I wear my mask on a cord.

No clothes

This is one of the tougher ones. My body has been on a weird journey since I gave birth 2 months before the pandemic hit. Finding clothes that fit well has been work.

I found cotton blend bootcut pants from Macy’s and bought 3. I found wicking polyester bootcut pants from Target and bought 3. I found a tee that fit well at Costco. I have it in 4 colors. I found a good wicking tank top and have it in several colors.

I’m slowly starting to have a uniform. Clothing that just works is a beautiful thing. Getting here was such a journey that I got in the habit of always being on the lookout. I need to break that twitch.

I’ve got 3 content subscriptions. I’m keeping Libro.fm to support my local indie. I’m currently trying to pause my Audible subscription. Their originals keep me coming back but I’m trying to space out how often they get my money. Harry Potter just came to Kindle Unlimited so I’m keeping that for now but would like to cancel it by the end of Q1.

One thing I want to do with the money I’ll be saving is getting some things mended and altered at the tailor. Use what you’ve got.