Life Lessons

Life is hard and many important lessons must be learned the hard way. Here are some I’ve learned. Hopefully, you can pass them along and someone can avoid learning them as hard as I did.

Fifth Date Questions

You’ve dated them long enough to think, “This could go somewhere.” Now it’s time to ask the difficult questions. Do you want kids (ever)? How do you feel about guns or recreational marijuana? Colorful sexual past? Don’t avoid them because you’re smitten and think you won’t like the answer. Save everyone heartache and time and ask your deal breaker questions.

If You’re Confused, (S)He’s Not That into You

If someone likes you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused. It really is that simple.

Fight Fair

Disagreements will happen. You will need to learn how to argue. If you fight to win, you’ve already lost. That logic wins the battle but loses the war.

You Can’t Get What You Don’t Ask For

You cannot expect your partner to know what you’re thinking or feeling. They’re not mind readers. Hints are passive-aggressive. No, they should not ‘just know.’ Be direct.

Functional Isn’t Dramatic

Good communication isn’t dramatic. Respect isn’t passionate. Good, functional relationships aren’t the stuff of movies or TV shows because those are boring to watch. The stuff of movies is not sustainable for a long time. How many shows or ‘romantic’ movies hinge on a simple miscommunication?

Bye Buy

The last few weeks have been quite good to me financially. Reddit messing with the stock market and driving up the price of silver enabled me to do some selling. I was able to pay off my credit card debt and have quite a bit leftover. I was able to get a new laptop and a few indulgences. More than a few.

I’m doing a no buy in the month of April. I got into the habit of indulging my wants and whims and that needs to die. It’s how I got into this mess and I need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

No Books

This one should be easy. Between work, the tiny human, unpacking from the kitchen renovation, and being a functional adult, I haven’t been reading as much. Most of it has been eaudiobooks or ebooks, mostly free from the library. When I got my influx of money, I set aside $100 to be spent at my local indie bookstore. I focused on visual books or parenting books (I like to tab and share relevant sections with Hubs). Between my latest haul and the library books I can barely make time to read, I’m more than set.

No Bath or Beauty

I recently shopped around for cruelty free shampoos to add to my routine so I’m using up one bottle before moving to the next one. I’m experimenting with different lotions and body washes so those need to get used up. The pandemic means I’m not socializing so why bother with makeup?

No Music

Between audiobooks and podcasts, I don’t listen to music as often as I used to. During the day, I usually opt for (free) Spotify since I can run that through the TV. None of the preorders I have (2), none are coming out this month.

No Jewelry or Accessories

I’m great with the bags I’ve got. My work bag is slowly wearing out but I got a replacement a few months ago on sale knowing this day was coming. I’ve mostly stopped wearing jewelry and scarves until the spawn is less grabby. My mask set up is working well and I’ve got disposables just in case.

No Kickstarters

This is a weakness of mine. I like supporting art and creation and have had a quite a few good finds (ride or die for this). I need to take a break and no project is going to live or die by my small contribution.

No Clothes*

This is going to be my problem area. Nothing like making a person and stress eating through a pandemic to change your relationship with your closet. I’m a big fan of pinning what I’d like to try which has been a mix of wants and needs. Entirely too many of the active wear pieces I used to use all the time don’t fit by just enough to make it a problem. Another problem is that even with the stores open, plus size is a niche market. Active wear is a niche market. I’m looking for a niche within a niche. To the internet!

I’ve ordered and returned an absurd amount of clothing in addition to trying on all of my old pieces. I still need a 2 or so active tanks or tees but that’s the only exception*. Since I’ve had such bad luck, I’m sticking with new items so they can be returned.

I don’t need more lounge wear or PJs or graphic shirts. No thrifting or buying used. If what I want sells out between April 1-31, it wasn’t meant to be.

Another reason I want to do the no buy is because most online returns take a few weeks to process the return then the refund. After all that, it has to go through the bank. All of that takes time. I want to wait for it all to come back and see where I’m at.

I’ve tried a no buy before and failed miserably. The big difference is that there’s less temptation or need with a very distracting little person and a pandemic. Hopefully, this time it will actually stick.

Big Footprint

Devolution is Max Brooks’s novel about Big Foot. I haven’t read World War Z but I plan to after reading this.

Brooks did a lot of research. I could tell that going in but I didn’t realize just how much until I listened to his interview on the Professional Book Nerds podcast.

He researched how Mt. Rainer would erupt. He read multiple books on primate behavior so he could get the Sasquatch tribe right. The green technology, the conflict in Mostar’s home, the weapons. Brooks literally made some of the weapons he described.

I got this on audiobook and it was described as having a ‘full cast.’ Since it’s an epistolary novel, it’s just different actors voicing the interviews instead of an audioplay. Nathan Fillion is the brother, Jeff Daniels makes a brief cameo, and Judy Greer is the main voice reading the diary entries.

It was incredibly well done and having Greer be the only voice of the main action kept the full cast from being distracting. It was subtle and lent itself well to the story.

The story unsettles you in multiple ways. How unprepared we are for disasters. How dependent we are on technology and how little we can do if something takes it away. How tenuous survival is. The peril of no longer being at the top of the food chain.

I loved it. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to go buy some dried beans and duct tape. 5/5 stars

7 Sitcoms

I saw a social media post asking “If you were the star of WandaVision, what 7 sitcoms would influence your show?”

My sitcom viewing wasn’t spread out over all the eras of TV like Wanda’s was. It was pretty centered on the time I was in. However, I also grew up in the era of Nick at Nite airing actual old TV shows instead of 90s reruns.

I Love Lucy would be up there because I took a sitcom class in college and this show was a huge influence on the future of the format. I also enjoyed Happy Days but didn’t watch that as much.

Most of the shows I watched and liked from the 60s and 70s had some element of the fantastical. The Munsters, The Addams Family, Bewitched. Magic and monsters enticed me more than functional families. I did enjoy That 70’s Shoe but that was a modern show with a retro twist.

For the 80s, I like Golden Girls as an adult quite a bit. I saw some of Cheers but what really drew me in was the 90s Cheers spinoff Frasier.

The 90s were much more my era of sitcoms. Frasier, The Nanny, Boy Meets World, Step by Step, Home Improvement, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I watched all of these but Sabrina was definitely my favorite. She was young and had magic. I tried Friends and Seinfeld multiple times but I never got into them or especially liked the characters.

The only big sitcoms from the 2000s were How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, and The Big Bang Theory. All entertaining and hugely popular at the time but haven’t aged as well as I would have hoped. I never saw much of Malcolm in the Middle.

The 2010s brought about my favorite sitcom The Good Place. Another fantastical sitcom about the afterlife. I tried The Office and Modern Family but didn’t love them as much as the rest of the world. I still need to try Parks and Rec and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I’m about halfway through Schitt’s Creek and I can see why everyone loves it.

I Love Lucy, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and The Good Place would all be in my 7 which would render the translation moot. Wanda’s life was magical, dangerous, and extraordinary so her escape was normalcy. My life is very ordinary so my escape was fantastical. Using my sitcoms would require a rewriting of reality that might stretch even her chaos magic.

English Is Three Languages in a Trench Coat

English is nothing if not inconsistent. It’s a language that ambushes other languages in dark alleys and picks their pockets for loose grammar and spare vocabulary.

Whilst poking around the internet, I found this excellent example of one of the many ways this language can be such a nightmare to learn.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?