Everyone knows Stephenie Meyer from Twilight but she recently wrote a spy thriller. The library had it for free so I decided to solve that mystery. I was less than 100 pages in before I was ready to quit but Wikipedia didn’t have spoilers.
I was laid up with a cold this weekend so I plowed through it pretty quickly. Meyer has not improved as a writer. This needed some serious tightening up. It had no business being over 500 pages. She also got a lot of stuff wrong, especially about D.C. My gripes started on page 54 and this list goes until the end of the novel.
- WMATA has no readily accessible customer bathrooms let alone ones dedicated by gender.
- Our trains don’t shriek, our doors don’t whoosh, or make much noise. They smell on occasion because of organic brakes but no shrieking.
- You can’t stand right next to the windows. The seats are next to the windows. The only windows you can stand near are on the doors.
- Literally no intelligence agency worth their salt would kill someone on the metro. There are cameras on every train. The term ‘clusterfuck’ springs to mind.
- If it’s rush hour, there’s no way in hell the number of people getting on and off the train is in the single digits, especially in the middle of the city.
- We don’t have overhead straps in the corner of the cars; just seats.
- L’Enfant Plaza is not that big nor that chaotic.
- The cabs here are not that similar. This is not NYC.
- ‘The university has a good movie theater.’ We have more than one. I can think of five metro stations with a university in the name without really trying.
- It took her 20 pages to figure out they’re twins? Really?
- She kidnapped and tortured you. Why the fuck everlasting are you still into her?
- A Great Dane would not be used as a guard dog. They have short life spans, various health problems, and would be too large for a variety of security situations.
- A breeder would likely not want a security dog since the dog would probably be neutered. Neutering non-breeding dogs (dogs with important jobs) helps with behavioral issues and some health problems.
- “Time has lost all continuity.” I do not know any human being who talk like that, least of all in the heat of lust.
- Two consenting adults don’t get it on after all of that shit? Are you fucking kidding me?
- DC is divided into 4 quadrants. If the address doesn’t end in NW, it’s not a posh part of town. There is no guessing there.
- They do not make inconspicuous hybrid SUVs. I’m interested in owning one and they’re not readily available yet. Hybrid SUVs = conspicuous
- Val’s awesome condo of awesomeness cannot exist as described in D.C.
- Light long sleeves? Has this bitch never been to a swamp? Summer is miserable here.
- There’s a trick cops use to skip unwanted floors in elevators. Why do neither of these women know it?
- 4 PM is exactly when government employees start heading out. Rush hour here is 4-6. DC is an early town.
- I can’t think of any public parks in DC with bathrooms because of the crack problem and occasional hobos.
- Gritty powdered soap or your average face wash wouldn’t do shit to high quality makeup. I have learned this the hard way. If bathroom soap can take it off, so can sweat and it’s humid AF here in the summer.
- This applies to the entire thing but nobody, including the former black ops guy, swears? Once again, are you fucking kidding me?
One positive thing I will give her is that the fake names at the end play into a popular trick I’ve heard. Make them sound like your previous name so it will be easier to respond to (Nathaniel/Daniel). That’s about the only nice thing I have to say about this.
It’s long so I’m counting it for the challenge because it felt longer than it was. Overall, it was kind of interesting but the romance was unbelievable, dialogue mediocre, and crappy writing. Severely underwhelming. 2/5