I’m cutting it a bit close but I’m checking off my book for January with Jen Larsen’s Stranger Here.
I’ve always been big, overweight, larger than life, or whatever polite term you prefer for fat. I know a good chunk of it is my own fault. I enjoy foods that are bad for me and don’t exercise enough. I make no excuses. A few years ago I saw a picture of myself, didn’t like how I looked and decided to do something about it. FHubs is a bit of a junk food enabler and I lost access to a work gym so the weight I lost came back to find me. I’m trying to fix it in time for the wedding.
Despite depression and not loving my weight, I never hated myself the way Jen Larsen did. I never pushed to see how much I could eat or how big I could get. I never reached the depth of her self-loathing. The older I get, the less I tolerate things in my life that aren’t serving me. I think part of why Larsen stayed in her unfulfilling relationship as long as she did was because she didn’t think well enough of herself to decide she deserved a relationship that worked.
There were moments before and after surgery that were painful to read because they were painful for Larsen to live. She needed to face her disordered relationship with food because surgery alone couldn’t fix that. If you’ve struggled with weight or had surgery, Larsen’s story should resonate very deeply with you.