Positivity, or Not

This is my own fault. I had another chat with Bella on social media. It was fucking awesome.

To give context, my friend Sally saw a whole rant someone posted on ThinkGeek about how a skirt is body shaming her because it doesn’t adequately fit her body. Sally had many things to say and included direct quotes from Rantypants’s diatribe.

My contribution: “The way a skirt is made is not shaming women. Rather than have a rant, suggest they be more diverse or inclusive in their offerings. I think ThinkGeek does a pretty good job with that overall.”

My logic: A skirt does not have the agency to shame you. Rantypants is projecting her issues onto the product. Rather than whinge at a company that did nothing wrong, she’s better off offering solutions to fix what she perceives as a problem. It’s the classic honey-vinegar dynamic.

Bella decided to randomly say something. I’ll include my commentary and paraphrased responses in italics.

“I’m glad your view has evolved!”

Here is where I made the mistake of saying something. This is a backhanded and condescending version of a compliment so I wanted to know where it came from. I made sure to clearly state that I knew that wasn’t her intent. Twice.

“You know I don’t do backhanded. I was genuinely happy to see that you agreed with Sally after some of the comments you have made over the course of the last year.”

I asked which comments. 

“I have heard you refer to women needing to “eat a sandwich” more times than I can count. When we were in Georgetown, you picked up a size Small sweater and declared that it was a cry for help.

You’ve repeatedly commented about how excited you are for Halloween so you can watch the skinny bitches in [nearby neighborhood with lots of bars] shivering in their slutty costumes. I’d honestly counted you out of the body positivity movement over the course of the past year, but I’m genuinely glad to see that you agree that body shaming on any level is not ok.”

Jesus tap dancing Christ. I had no idea this nut was keeping score this hard or that she hated me this much.

I will own the ‘eat a sandwich’ comment. However, if a model is going to be 10 pounds away from looking like a world hunger ad, I’m not that horrible for this.

I mostly mock the drunk idiocy of Halloween because very few of the women in the sexy/slutty costumes tend to ignore the weather. It can be 40 degrees out but that inebriated individual in a ‘sailor’ costume won’t compromise her costume with a coat. If you can’t dress for the weather because it isn’t ‘sexy,’ you deserve to be mocked. I’ll mock a fat or skinny bitch for this. I’m equal opportunity.

Since I’m plus size, I actually do care about the body positivity movement. It has a much greater impact on how I’m treated than fit and petite Bella. I’ve been treated like crap many times over for my size.

I made the point of mocking women for dressing inappropriately for the weather. And for the record, it was an XXS sweater.

“That’s the point. Even if it was an XXS, it shouldn’t matter. You can’t fight for women’s empowerment on one hand while tearing down women who are different than you are with the other.

The same goes with the costumes. Women should be able to wear whatever the hell they want to wear, especially if it makes them feel happy or sexy or strong in their own skin.”

At this point, I refuse to engage any further. I could have said something about how vanity sizing is ridiculous (AKA how 00 is a size) and reiterate my thoughts about wearing a damn coat but there was no point. Nothing I say will ever be heard because Bella has already decided what she knows to be true. I also refuse to be the person who gets into some unnecessary debate on someone else’s comment feed.

Knowing that Bella’s been hanging on to this rant for this long makes me think she’s my least favorite kind of person. She’ll be friendly to my face but have plenty of shit to say behind my back to plenty of people. If we’re cool, great! If you don’t like me, go live your life without me in it. But don’t you dare deceive me. If you have a problem, say it to my face or STFU.

It’s the Jiminey Cricket BS all over again. It’s incredibly presumptuous for Bella to decide if I’m body positive, a feminist, or anything else based on her own opinions. I am not beholden to your standards. I don’t need this immature, sanctimonious ridiculousness when I didn’t even ‘earn’ it this time.

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