It’s Not About the Pansies

Ever have one of those fights where you know it’s not actually about the subject at hand? I got see one of those yesterday.

I’m in a group chat with several of my friends and one person called an uninvolved 3rd party a pansy. Bond asked that we not use that word since it has a negative history with regard to effeminate homosexuals. Edward and Bella said that’s not what it means in the Midwest (where they’re from).

Bond then posted a link to a definition that gives that history. I’ll grant that it’s a bit of nit picky request and the derogatory nature has faded over time. However, since it’s the first time any of us have had this conversation, it didn’t need to be thing. Edward and Bella disagreed. A lot.

Edward’s response to the link was: “Tell you what, when an effeminate homosexual male actually tells me to not use it, I’ll not use it around him. Until then, piss off. Pansy equates to chicken or wuss in my neck of the woods.”

His friend made a reasonable request that was best ignored if he didn’t like it. We’re also not in Edward’s neck of the woods anymore. I cannot fathom a reason why this escalated to this level of rudeness as quickly as it did.

Bella decided to add fuel to the fire and say she doesn’t like being told what words to use. Edward added ‘or request what words we use around him.’ It then devolved into a ridiculous debate about the use of the words retard, stupid, and midget.

At one point Bella said her ‘do no harm’ instincts were clashing with her ‘freedom of expression’ instincts. Her ‘do no harm’ went out the window when her boyfriend told someone to piss off and she didn’t call him out or try rein him in.

I have given my friend the alias of Bond because of his fondness for the character as well as his dress and grooming habits. He likes to wear cuff links, suits, ties, and occasionally hats. At no point during this unnecessary discourse did it occur to Edward or Bella that Bond might have his own negative, personal associations with the term.

This is not the first time Edward has chosen a crappy hill to die on. A month or so ago, I was rude to a rude person (rando started it). He called me a bitch so I flipped him the bird and went about my day. I mentioned this in the same chat and, a couple of hours later, Edward decided this was a fight worth having.

While I don’t recall the exact arguments he made, he stopped just short of saying it was my fault and I deserved it. At multiple points I told him I wasn’t sorry I did it, he wasn’t changing my mind, and he needed to drop it. Somehow, ‘drop it’ translated into ‘have a long winded last word.’

What’s even more maddening? Edward thinks he and I are fine. We are absolutely not. I lost a ton of respect for him and have no desire to be in his presence. I just play nice because we have the same friends.

Edward was so caught up in being right, he forgot the people he was speaking to were supposed to be his friends. He has managed to severely alienate two of us (and our SOs by extension) in as many months. There are plenty of ways to disagree with someone without being a jerk and Edward doesn’t know any of them.

I think this will happen one more time before Bond, myself, and Malcador (pissed off bystander) call him out. I wonder what asinine thing will set him off next.


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