Watching loads of BookTube has turned me on to the reality that stories can often disappoint us. Here are some books that let me down.
Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman
I loved the movie when I was a teenager. It was interesting, magical, and about different forms of love. When I realized it was based on a book, I sought it out and was promptly let down. The book had no magic and no action.
Seven Wonders by Adam Christopher
This story had a fantastic premise. Superheroes we’ve never heard of, an average schmoe suddenly gets powers, can they defeat the big bad? The only reason I finished this was because I wanted to see how Christopher tried to tie the train wreck together. Spoiler alert: not well.
Friendship by Emily Gould
Self-absorbed millennials fuck up their lives and relationships. If I wanted that combined with a vague non-ending, I can just watch Girls.
Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl by Susan McCorkindale
I expected a fun fish-out-of-water story when a former Manhattan business woman moves to a working farm in Virginia. Instead it was a nonstop bitchfest that left me wondering if this woman actually liked her husband, kids, or life. Oscar the Grouch and Grumpy Cat are more uplifting than McCorkindale.
Armada by Ernest Cline
This book is OK but what depresses me about is that I can see the book it could have been. It’s premise is marvelous but the execution is forgettable, unoriginal, and rampant with tropes. It just felt like a long piece of fanboy fanfic. You’re better than this Cline. Ready Player One says so.
In the Woods by Tana French
We get two mysteries: the disappearance and probable murder of two local children and the sole survivor who remembers nothing and the little girl who turns up dead at an archaeological dig in the same woods many years later. One of the mysteries doesn’t get solved. No. A thousand times no. Do not delve deep and leave me with nothing. I refuse to touch anything she’s written to this day because of this. Just no.
Anything by Nicholas Sparks
I went through a phase where I read a lot of him in high school and I eventually realized the SOB just recycles the same story over and over again. Occasionally he allows a happy ending but more often than not, death and misery. I want some of those hours of my life back.