If Rom Coms Got Real

Everyone gets this warped idea of what love and relationships really look like from pop culture and movies. Here’s what I think some famous romances would look like if they happened in the real world.

Pretty Woman
Erring on the side of optimism, these two get married. However, their class backgrounds start to tear them apart. Vivian beings to feel insecure because Edward reads the New York Times and discusses books reviewed in The New Yorker. Edward begins to resent how little Vivian blends into his world. She doesn’t know this composer from that artist and on several occasions, embarrasses him. Eventually, they engage in a bitter divorce that is the talk of the New York social scene and Vivian is featured on Real Housewives of New York.

Her
Theodore winds up dating a socially awkward computer programmer who worked on creating the OS system. It is his attempt to seek out Samantha again. They live together but never marry. Samantha has given Theodore unrealistic expectations for a relationship so the pair split. Amy marries again to an easy-going man and has one child. Neither has a deep relationship with an AI again. Lots of therapy abounds.

Knocked Up
Ben enjoys living a successful adult life with Allison and their daughter. The two have a long engagement but never seem to marry. Ben drifts further and further away from his friends. Allison, still career driven, enjoys many successes. Allison resents Ben for not doing enough around the house and not being more ambitious. Ben resents her for thinking she’s better than him. Eventually they split, realize they’re better for it since they had little in common, and raise a lovely daughter.

Bridesmaids
With some help from Helen, Annie becomes the assistant pastry chef at a country club. She is well trained and eventually becomes the head pastry chef for that club. Due to Annie’s influence, Helen becomes more honest with her husband and it improves their relationship. Annie and Nathan eventually marry and have a son. Lillian and Doug have three children. Lillian, Annie, and Helen still have biweekly sushi. Megan gets along well with Nathan and is a frequent baby sitter. Rita is the same as she ever was but is fun on the occasional girl’s night out. Becca and her husband open a BDSM club.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Ben and Andie give their relationship a real shot since they have many things in common and she loves his family. They start of with several trust issues since the foundation of their relationship is a complete sham. Because they’re both very career driven, they have several rocky patches but ultimately it works out. They get engaged but never marry. No children.

10 Things I Hate About You
Kat and Patrick date through the rest of the school year and summer but have an amicable break-up when she goes east for school. Kat goes on to found a successful nonprofit and work for NOW. Patrick becomes a semi-famous indie rocker. The two rendezvous in Manhattan to catch up when they’re in their 30s. It’s pleasant. Cameron and Bianca date for the rest of high school. Bianca is less popular but happier for it. They go to separate colleges, have a tear filled break-up, and go on to lead productive lives. Joey’s modeling career flounders and dies while he’s in his early 2os.

The Notebook
Allie and Noah have a lovely summer fling. Allie grows up, moves on, and marries Lon. When she learns that Noah wrote her every day for a year and built her a house, she becomes very creeped out. When Noah visits her begging to call off her wedding, Allie calls the police. Noah becomes very bitter. Allie and Lon go on to have a nice life more about appearances than actual happiness but no one is totally miserable. Except Noah.

The Proposal
Margaret Tate didn’t listen regarding her immigration status so she goes back to Canada to work in a field office and remotely until the issue is resolved. Andrew is finally given an opportunity to be heard during her absence and the book he wants to get published finally is. Andrew meets a compatible woman now that Margaret is not ruling his life and gets engaged and married. Margaret gets a new assistant to terrorize once she obtains dual citizenship. She never fully respects Andrew an an equal but does respect his choices of books.

Never Been Kissed
Josie realizes she’s wasting her talent in journalism at a newspaper and gets a position doing a column and human interest stories at a woman’s magazine. Sam is suspended as a teacher due to his relationship with Josie when she’s a student. Because of PR, no charges are pressed. Josie uses her connections at the magazine to get Sam hired as a teacher at a fancy prep school. The relationship flounders because of Josie’s career success and Sam’s damaged career as a teacher. The two eventually split.

Clueless
Cher’s dad initially doesn’t approve of the relationship with Josh but begrudgingly accepts it since he figures it won’t last too long. All the couples break up when they go to different schools. Dion and Murray find each other after college and get back together. He’s a sports manager, she’s a fashion buyer. They marry and have 2 children. Cher becomes a designer while Josh becomes an environmental lawyer in Washington state. Cher marries a sculptor and Josh marries an urban homesteader. They send each other Christmas cards. Tai becomes a graphic designer while Travis goes on to work with Tony Hawk’s company.

What Women Want
Nick and Darcy move into Darcy’s house. Darcy keeps her job at the advertising agency. Nick goes on to use his knowledge of women to work for a Chicago based company that sells female oriented products. His daughter grows up well. His relationship with is ex continues to be amicable.

Hitch
Hitch continues his business but also helps plan romantic proposals and anniversary celebrations. He knows people well and Sarah offers valuable insight. She continues in her gossip column. They attend couple’s therapy for their trust issues. They eventually marry in a planned elopement. No kids but a few seriously cute dogs. They are an excellent aunt and uncle and become godparents to Allegra and Albert’s second child.

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