The Spy with No Sense of Humor

Once again, I’m displeased with one of my friends who felt like creating drama. Bond takes our weekly bar trivia sessions pretty seriously. He focuses a lot on getting names right and even took it a little too personally when another trivia team decided to hate us. Some of his reactions were a bit immature so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by what happened last night.

Last night, he blew off trivia to see Spectre for a third time. He didn’t bother to mention this to any of us until about 5 minutes before trivia started even though we did a roll call. We were all supposed to be fine with these even though he usually rules the answer sheet and checks our standings for the season at least once a week. I’m pretty sure the ending hasn’t changed and they’ll still be airing it on Thursday.

I get that James Bond is his thing (hence the nom de plume) but if any of us had done the same thing, he’d give us some grief. He doesn’t care of Boyfriend or I don’t show up but if Riff or Edward or Henry miss a night, they hear about it at least a little bit. I was more annoyed than normal by his hypocrisy so I was a bit snarkier than I should have been. I lit the match but he dumped lighter fluid on it.

After mass grumbling about an impressively stupid round involving NBA players and emojis, Bond finally picks up on the fact that he’s missing out. They give out prizes for round winners and the nearby CVS had Halloween decorations on sale for 90% off. Boyfriend goes up to get the prize and the host disappears around the back of the restaurant. He returns with a talking skeleton with red light up eyes that is about 6’6. Of course many pictures were had.

It is typical for Bond to take pictures of us with our prizes, use a cartoon photo editor, and post them to our team Twitter account (You see what I mean about him taking this seriously?). His edit was to take the photo of Boyfriend and the skeleton, add a bunch of hearts, and the word bubble “Finally, someone to laugh at my jokes.”

Of all the jokes he could have made, this was probably the cheapest and laziest he could have made. He has a picture of Boyfriend for the first time in months and he uses to take a pot shot at me. I told him I thought it was mildly offensive and he basically said, “It’s just a joke. Lighten up.”

I’ll lighten up when your jokes are actually funny. Boyfriend and I agreed that if it was a joke about a new roommate, some dead historical figure, or someone’s campaign manager, we’d have laughed. If the person the joke is about isn’t laughing, you’re joke isn’t fucking funny.

I finally have cause to use the middle finger emoji and everyone starts advising me against it. Riff even said “He’s grumpy so be the bigger person.” I’m sorry, since when is being in a bad mood make it OK to be a jerk? It’s perfectly acceptable to be rude and dismissive to me and Boyfriend because he’s acting like a petulant teenager.

For the record, Boyfriend didn’t find it funny either. His first reaction was “Wow. Is that how you really feel?” He just let it go because I’m capable of stirring up enough trouble for the both of us with my temper and disinterest of suffering fools. Boyfriend stayed out of it until Bond posted it on Twitter. I don’t get to post photos of BF on social media without permission so Bond was more than a little bit out of line.

I was the bigger person but I hated being that way. Bond has acted like an immature twat monkey more than a few times these past few months. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but at some point in the last few months, his ability to see things from someone else’s perspective have taken a serious hit. Either he’s got to grow up or someone has to call him on his shit. I’ve got a finite number of days left where I can hold my tongue.

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