Same Scheisse, Different Day

I’ve tried to talk to Magenta a few times this week but she’s ‘been busy.’ Not too busy to watch a video about hair braiding and post it on another friend’s wall. Just too busy to answer my questions about her life or pretend to care about mine. I’m beginning to see why social media is such a bad idea.

We used to talk all the time. Now I can’t tell if she’s deliberately not talking to me, genuinely busy, or kind of avoiding me but doesn’t want to admit it version of busy. She’s made something resembling effort but it was around an audience. Not sure if it was because we were around each other and therefore required no effort on her part or if it was mostly a show.

I miss having a friend and a confidant. Magenta has plenty of others to choose from so she doesn’t need me. If her actions are any indication, she doesn’t want to be close again. She has made little to no effort to talk or spend time with me.

I shouldn’t want to either. I don’t trust her to be honest or open with me and I took her off my lifeline list the second she said something about ditching my negativity. If I’m ever staring down a bottle of pills, Magenta is not someone I want to call. It’s time for me to be my own friend and confidant.

When you have a regular breakup, everyone totally gets you blowing off events your ex is at. When it’s a friend breakup, you can’t talk about it and you’re still expected to play nice. I think I need to make a clean break but that requires I literally ditch all my other friends.

The way things have been going lately, this does not sound like the worst option. I’ve been seriously considering distancing myself from that group for a while. There’s a lot of petty drama and immature behavior. I was over it a few months ago. I’m over it right now.

There are two events I want to/should attend over the next couple of months. One a week from Sunday and another the first Saturday in December. I think plenty of space is going to be easy to come by.

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